From “Designed to Heal: What the Body Shows Us About Healing Wounds, Repairing Relationships, and Restoring Community” by Jennie A. McLaurin and Cymbeline Tancongco Culiat
As a writer and teacher, I’ve taught many sessions on cultural competence, better termed cultural humility. We sometimes employ an imaginal technique called the Table of Significant Others (TOSO). Participants are asked to close their eyes and imagine they are seated at a dinner table, surrounded by those people who are significant in shaping their decisions and views. Whom would they want at their table if facing a crisis? If trying to resolve a deep struggle? Or to shape their future endeavors? At this point, they can pick anyone they find significant in their life.
For most of us, the TOSO exercise reveals that our tables are full of people who are generally like ourselves. Socioeconomic status, race, ethnicity, politics, gender, religion, profession, education, and age all tend to separate us from others. It is no simple task to remake our tables so that those foreign to us become known as dinner companions. But when that occurs, we are apt to find that we learn exponentially more about ways we may interact to promote health and well-being. How can we invite some new enzymes into our wounded places? Of course, it is best if they are already present in our healthy spots.
People don’t instantly come to your table if asked. Recall that trust is most impaired in those who are members of a minority group, in poverty, or of a younger age. If someone is asked to a table so that a quota is filled, they will sense that. So first, those who hold a seat at the table must ask themselves if they are attacking the real problem. Then they must decide if they are still best for the table. After these questions are answered, invitations can go for others to join in.