From “Telling Stories in the Dark: Finding healing and hope in sharing our sadness, grief, trauma, and pain” by Jeffrey Munroe
As we talked about what people said to him in the days immediately following Quiniece’s death, Quentin mentioned many positive expressions of empathy. He also recalled some that were not helpful. People occasionally blundered – most notably he remembered someone trying to comfort him by pointing out that he had other children who were still alive.
“The Lord helped me be gracious,” Quentin said, “and not dwell on those kinds of crazy comments. You just have to stand there and take it – just have to let people say what they’re going to say. I know they’re trying, and their hearts are good, but sometimes people’s hearts and words don’t line up. Being mature means seeing people’s hearts and allowing them to say whatever it is they’re going to say. What mattered most, though, was not people’s words but the fact that they showed up and put their love and care into action.”