From “Love Your Neighbor: How Psychology Can Enliven Faith and Transform Community” by Katherine M. Douglass and Brittany M. Tausen
It is unsettling for most people to really think about how much of their life is beyond their control. Many outcomes and occurrences come down to the equivalent of a coin flip, the luck of the draw, or simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Accepting this is psychologically unnerving because it creates a heightened awareness of a lack of control. Without control, people feel vulnerable. Instead of working to accept this vulnerability, it is often easier to blame others for the bad things that happen to them and maintain the belief that you can avoid the same unfortunate fate if you do all the right things (unlike “them”).
If we tell ourselves these false (and harmful) stories that a woman was sexually assaulted because she was overly flirtatious or that a person was paid less because they did not work as hard, then we feel less vulnerable. We believe if we are more careful about how we interact with people or go out of our way to work harder than someone else, we will not incur similarly traumatic or unfair fates. It makes us feel better to think that good things happen to “good” people who act “good” and make “good” choices. And bad things happen to “bad” people who act “bad” or make “bad” choices.
At the core, we are inclined to want to believe that the world is fair. Of course, we all know that good things can happen to “bad” people and bad things can happen to “good” people, but the reality of this terrifies us. We want to believe that as long as we are “good” we will stay safe and good things will happen to us in return. The outcome of this is that when we look at folks in negative situations, we begin to weave stories about their personalities and their choices that help us mentally justify how they got to where they are and assure ourselves that we could never end up in the same place. The good news is we have an innate longing for justice. The bad news is we live in an unjust world. We can use our longing to participate in the work of God in the world, or we can use it to blame hurting people who, like us, are all God’s children.